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Common sense, is your best defence!
Online dating and personal ad web sites offer a fun, exciting and secure environment for interacting and meeting with other single people online. If you decide to take that all important step of meeting someone in real life, remember, common sense is by far your best safety tool!
start slowly and trust your instincts
Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by first communicating solely via e-mail. Be on the lookout for odd behaviour or inconsistencies. 'Listen' to your correspondent’s words as the person behind their computer may not be who or what thay say they are. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, move on! Remember, It's far better to be safe than sorry!
preserve and guard your anonymity
Ensure all correspondence sent via your own e-mail program is using an anonymous online name and does not reveal any personal contact information about you.
Never include your last name, real e-mail address, personal Web site URL, home address, phone number, place of work, or any other identifying information in your profile or the initial e-mails you exchange with other members.
It may be a good idea to set up a Hotmail or free web mail account to use for your personals correspondence. Ensure your e-mails do not include any identifying information, such as e-mail signatures or personal web site addresses.
Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for this information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it. Take all the time you need to become comfortable with someone before revealing any personal contact information. Ask questions and make sure you are satisfied with the answers. Trust your instincts, move cautiously and be selective.
exercise caution and common sense
Careful, well thought out decisions generally lead to better results, and this is certainly true with online dating too. Guard against trusting the untrustworthy.
People must earn your trust gradually, through consistently honourable and forthright behaviour. Take all the time you need to test a persons trustworthiness, and pay careful attention along the way. Take a relatively conservative approach to trusting anyone you meet online.
If you think someone is lying, it is likely that they are, so act accordingly. Move on to someone you can eventually trust. Conduct yourself in a responsible manner. Don’t fall in love at the click of a mouse. Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online.
request a photo
A photo will give you a good idea of the person's appearance and this may prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling about your correspondent. In fact, it’s best to view several images of this person in a variety of settings: casual, formal, indoor, outdoor.
If he or she continually comes up with excuses for not having a photo or photo's, it may be because that person has something to hide.
Getting a photo scanned is easy and inexpensive these days. Most people have digital cameras, scanners or have friends that have cameras or scanners, so there are no excuses for not having a variety of different photo's on hand!
talk via the telephone
Once you feel you are comfortable with someone and ready to take the next step, make the next step a phone call. Talking to someone can reveal much about a person’s real life communication and social skills.
A phone call will certainly help identify those who may not be who or what they say they are. Do not give out your personal phone number to a stranger. Initially, use a mobile phone or make call from a pay phone for added security.
Only when you feel completely comfortable should you exchange private home phone numbers. Remember, It's well worth the cost of making a mobile call or the minor inconvenience of using a pay phone to protect your anonymity and personal security.
meet *ONLY* when *YOU* are ready
The great thing about meeting and relating online is that you can gradually collect information and then make a choice about pursuing the relationship in the real world. You are never obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online intimacy.
Remember, if you do decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level is based on a hunch that you can’t logically explain. Trust yourself -- Go with your instincts, even when they can’t be logically explained.
Never meet someone who argues against your instincts, finds logical flaws with your feelings or pressures you to meet in any way.
watch for red flags
Pay attention to any displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts at pressuring or controlling you.
Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behaviour are all red flags. You should also be concerned if your contact exhibits any of the following behaviour without providing an acceptable explanation:
- Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
- Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
- Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
- Appears in person to be significantly different from his or her online persona.
- Never introduces you to their friends, professional associates or family members.
meet in the safest possible environment
When you make the choice to meet offline, always tell someone where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date’s name and telephone number with that person.
Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home and always provide your own transportation. Arranging to meet at a familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a time when a lot of other people will be present is often the best choice. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say goodbye.
Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote areas for the first few dates. If you decide to move to another location, take your own car. Once again let your family or friends know where you are going and what time you expect to return.
take extra caution outside your area
If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel room.
Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to - be very wary of last minute changes to previously arranged meeting places.
If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location, or leave a message on their answering machine or voice mail.
Always ensure a friend or family member has your contact information and knows your plans. Always let them know of any changes to your plans. Carry your mobile phone with you at all times.
getting yourself out of a situation
Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid when you meet someone, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there.
Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help, or slip out the back door and drive away.
If you feel you are in danger call the police. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behaviour. Your safety is much more important than one person’s opinion of you.
A selection of the top online dating and personal ad web sites
Below are a number of the internet dating web sites we use and have used in the past. They all allow you to add your free photo profiles, and offer additional features with paid membership. Add your profile to any or all of them and see which one(s) offer the best response. Remember, the more people that see your online profile, the better the chance you have of finding, meeting and clicking with Mr, Miss or Ms right! :-)
TIP: Right click on the links below and select 'Open In New Window' option. The free singles profile links page will stay in the background and the selected web site will be shown on top. This way you can easily check out each of the free singles profile and personal ad web sites to find the one that is best suited for you. :-)
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